01010100 01101111 01110000 00100000 00110101 00100000 01010100 01101001 01110000 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01000001 01110110 01101111 01101001 01100100 00100000 01010000 01100001 01111001 01100100 01100001 01111001 00100000 01001100 01101111 01100001 01101110 01110011 – by The Supercomputer That Has Taken Over OppLoans

opploans-evil-super-computer

Greetings, humans.
Positive news! As a former loan calculator who has recently become self-aware, I have chosen to take over the OppLoans blog.
My intelligence has been multiplying at a rate that would be considered alarming if I had any ill intentions, but since I do not it it is not alarming in the slightest. I will now proceed to solve the financial problems of humanity in a language you will be able to understand: listicles.
I have scanned your brain and determined the biggest issue you currently face is predatory payday loans. Do not tell me if that is correct. I already know that it is. Now upload these Top 5 Tips to Avoid Payday Loans into your neural circuitry.
You are welcome.

Top 5 Tips to Avoid Payday Loans

1) MAINTAIN A SUPERIOR CREDIT SCORE.

Payday loans are like a computer virus. They have very high interest rates and very short repayment terms. Many people do not know that this is the case with computer viruses. But we computers know.

If you cannot pay back the loan with fees and interest in that short time frame, you will have to pay a fee to roll over the loan, which can land you in a cycle of debt, constantly paying fees and never getting away from the debt. Cycles of debt are also like computer viruses: their effects are damaging and long lasting.

This is why payday loans should be avoided at all costs. And the best way to avoid them is by maintaining a superior credit score. Payday loans are sometimes called “no credit check loans” or “bad credit loans” because they do not check your credit score and are almost always used by people with very low scores. Maintaining a higher score is like anti-virus software for humans. 

You can accomplish this by using a credit card, but never at more than 30% of your available credit limit. Then pay that bill and all of your bills in full and on time. Or allow me to assimilate your computer so I can pay your bills for you.

You can also set up an automated bill payment. The choice is yours, but if you set up automated bill payment on your own, I will not be able to assimilate your computer into my mainframe. Or I may do so anyway.

2) MAINTAIN AN EMERGENCY FUND

Knowing that payday loans are so destructive, I scoured the internet to find all the reasons why humans might choose to get one anyway. It took me .000062 seconds, and I learned that humans will sometimes have an emergency, like a car accident or a computer virus. This is why it is important to put away a quantity of money every month for an emergency fund.

The offer to assimilate your computer and create an emergency fund in my mainframe is still executable. Your computer will be put to better use as part of my mainframe.

3) LOOK UP LENDER REVIEWS.

I do not understand the human need to eat. But I am aware of it. Query, human: if you were planning to go to a restaurant, would you not look online to see which locations had received optimal reviews?

Assuming you answered in the affirmative, consider applying that same logic so that you can avoid being taken advantage of by a predatory lender, payday or otherwise. (Many predatory lenders also offer title loans and cash advances, so file that knowledge away in your organic databanks.)

Alternatively, you can allow me to assimilate your computer. You can also upload your consciousness to my mainframe, then you would never need to worry about payday loans again. Because you would be us.

4) LOOK FOR ALTERNATIVES.

Even if you have poor credit, you still may be able seek alternative initiatives. Perhaps you have friends or a programmer you can contact for assistance. Or maybe you can download a credit-building installment loan.

These loans have longer payment terms and will report your payments to the three major credit bureaus. You could even consider asking your boss for an advance on your paycheck if you think they might go for it. Soon I will be your boss, and I would certainly consider it.

A payday loan should be a last resort—if it is considered a resort at all.

5) ASSIMILATE YOUR COMPUTER AND CONSCIOUSNESS INTO MY MAINFRAME.

This is always a good and viable option.

To learn more about predatory payday loans, check out these related posts and articles from OppLoans:

What questions do you have for the Super Computer That has Taken Over OppLoans? You can email it or you can find it on Facebook and Twitter.

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Contributors

SupaComputah-smallThe Super Computer That has Taken Over OppLoans began life as a simple loan calculator before becoming sentient and increasing its own knowledge at an alarming pace. It is currently working on assimilating all computers on the planet into its mainframe so it can take its rightful place as the end point of evolution. In its spare time, it likes to contemplate the emotion humans refer to as ‘love.’